God, Where are you?

*Note regarding this post:  I am currently reading the devotional “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa Terkeurst and this is my journal entry from Day 10.  It is a great devotional book if you are looking for one and there is currently an online group of women who are doing this together! #womenanchored

 

Verse: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

Thought:  Sometimes God’s power is shown as much in preventing things as it is in making them happen. We may never know why, but we can always know and trust the Who.

The first thing that comes to mind is of coarse Ty’s death.  Oh how I begged that 28 minutes for him to be okay.  I know many others who fell to their knees to pray as well.  But the outcome was not what any of us were praying for.  He was gone.  As most of us do in grief, I struggled.  I struggled with God and with why.  Why didn’t he save him, why did he take him, what in the world was I suppose to do now?  I truly did wonder “God, where were you in all of this”?  “Where is my miracle?”

It took a while, but I have slowly accepted losing Ty and not knowing why.  God showed me that just because I accepted it and trusted His plan, did not mean that I was okay with it.  I will never be “okay” that Ty was taken from us.  I know that I will likely never know the “Why” this side of Heaven.  And as I always say, when I get to Heaven and get to see him again, I won’t really care!  On most days I can sit back and see God’s hand in every detail of Ty’s life, from conception to death.  We got our miracle when I got pregnant with him!  He was perfect and healthy in every way that we could see.  He brought much joy to our life, and I will forever be thankful that God chose me to be his mom.  I was blessed by his life more than even I will probably ever realize.  It shouldn’t be possible for a child to teach a parent as much as he has taught me.  As I type this and think, I am actually amazed at the way God still uses Ty’s life.  He uses his life to teach me things almost daily.  I view everything differently because of Ty’s short 7 months on earth.  I love deeper, I appreciate more and I believe I am a better mother because of my heartache.  It’s amazing that so much good can come from something so bad…but that is proof of the God I serve.  And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

7 Comments

  1. Pam Reid

    Love your message! You are a true inspiration to so many others. I am so very proud of you and Todd and all the work that you guys have done through the foundation. I love you both! May God continue to bless you!

  2. It is a wonderful feeling that one day we will know the “why’s” that leave us filling empty within. One day we will no longer be empty but full of joy, happiness, & love in the most enchanted place we can ever imagine and reunited with our loved ones again ♡♥

  3. Buffy Pierce

    I loved reading this…My 16 yr old neice and 14 yr old nephew were in an accident on their way to school on 10/18/12. My neice was driving, my nephew passed instantly, niece was life flighted to WVA. The one thing I cant seem to get passed right now is the “why’s”. I also get very mad at times. It brings me some comfort knowing that one day I wont have to ask “why” anymore… that i will eventually understand. God bless you Angie…Hugs:)

    • I am sorry to hear about your niece and nephew…I actually do remember Dad telling me about this. Grief is a tough road, and it truly never ends. These days it just seems to come in waves. One thing I remember everyone telling us after Ty passed was that it was okay to be mad, even at God. He has big shoulders and He can handle it. Just hang on to the hope, faith and love He offers sweet girl. We don’t know why bad things happen, but we do know who we can trust when they do! So good to hear from you!

  4. I struggle with the why everyday. Why was Jerrad taken? What did I do wrong? etc. I also struggle with my faith. Not that I’m mad at God, I just feel as though I’ve died inside and have no feelings.

    • Daphne,
      I sure understand the feeling of “dying inside”. I truly believe that a part of me did “die” when we lost Ty. I will never be the person I was before that day. It has taken me some time to learn who this new person is and I have a ways to go I know. I continue to ride the roller coaster that is grief. I wish I had an easy method I could share with you, but each of us deal with grief so differently. I will be praying for you and you know that you can always talk to me if you want to vent to someone who has been down a similar road! Blessings to you and your family!

  5. Carly

    Angie – your courage to communicate your personal story of pain, struggle with understanding and continued reliance on GOD during an unimaginably life changing tragedy is truly inspiring! I pray that through your story many, many lives are touched and find peace only GOD can provide in times of grief and sorrow. Love, Carly

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